This year, Andrew published his latest book, Fear of Harmeny. It brings together Andrew’s writing and music choices to create a unique insight into experience.
Andrew has written two memoirs. He describes the books as ‘Part 1’ and ‘Part 2’ in the stages of his life journey. Andrew published his first book, A Lost Childhood Frozen In Time in 2023. Here, Andrew focused on his early life, the circumstances that led to him being in care, his moves between multiple care homes and the abuse he experienced in each of them. While Andrew’s first book focused on different places, his second book takes a different route.
In Fear of Harmeny, Andrew focuses on a specific place of his childhood: Harmeny School, a source of fear and abuse. In his book, Andrew looks back at his experiences but also reflects on the impact this had on his adult life. He considers how the care system split him from his other siblings, failed to keep himself and others safe, and created lasting trauma.
In childhood, Andrew turned to music to cope: The Jam, The Clash, Madness and The Specials. Through the sound and lyrics, he could channel his anger and frustration. When he listened to lyrics, it was as if the songs were connecting directly to him.
‘They all seemed like angry songs to me as a child, so I wanted to play these so loudly. I wanted to tell the system where to go because that’s what those songs were about.’
That feeling – that music can reach out from one person to another – continued into adulthood. Sitting in his home, Andrew was listening to Block 33 and their song ‘Keep on Smiling’. It resonated with him and felt like a powerful message.
‘Music can be a really strong form of connection. I listen to that song, I keep on smiling because you’ve got to somehow do that even when you have been through things like this.’
From there, Andrew was inspired to weave music directly into his own memoir. Before each chapter of Fear of Harmeny, Andrew includes a QR code directing the reader to a piece of music online. You listen to the track first and then read the chapter, finding out how the lyrics relate to the words on the page, how music shines a light on Andrew’s experiences. For example, the first song is ‘Parent Police‘ by Death of Guitar Pop which Andrew notes ‘is about the lead singer’s childhood but can really relate to anyone who had a horrible time as a child’. He also includes ‘Social Disguises’ by The Enemy as ‘that’s so powerful – all about taking the mask off and revealing the truth’.
‘You might hear a song about being at rock bottom but they can also make you want to get up and keep moving. Lyrics from songs can inspire change, no matter how hard life is.’
Prior to writing the book, Andrew took part in the Scottish Child Abuse Inquiry. He was the only person to give witness testimony in person. This was a very challenging time. However, Andrew later found connection through music and felt able to take part in a music video with one of his favourite bands, Death of Guitar Pop.
‘Giving evidence changed my life. It turned me inside out. It made me think about how I have always felt lost and not part of anything. You can go to a party or a football match and feel like you’re the only one there. But then I took part in this video and I related so much to the band. They made me feel as if I was part of a family. It was the first time I really felt part of something.’
Music had once been a form of escape. Now, it had become a source of inspiration and even healing. By listening to his favourite music and hearing those lyrics really speak to him, Andrew was able to write his book.
The writing process is not always easy, especially when it is a book about your own life. Andrew knew which chapter would the hardest to write as he would be confronting the most difficult experiences.
‘You really have to go back and imagine yourself as a child again and then be the adult looking back.’
To maintain his mental health, Andrew chose stay elsewhere while he wrote that section of the book. Away from home, he went through all his handwritten notes. After he typed up each section, Andrew would rip up the paper. Page by page, he was closing a chapter of his life. The writing process gave Andrew the space to look back on experience, process feelings and shift his perspective of himself.
‘When I used to look at my reflection, I would see a lost child, someone always scared, someone who had their childhood taken away by a system that failed him. Now, I see a different reflection: someone who faced a fear and came through it. It has never been easy, but I’ve found an inner strength I never knew I had.’
Drawing on this strength, Andrew is seeking to raise awareness about the impact of childhood abuse on people’s adult life. By fusing memoir and music, he has created a way for people to further understand his experience. But, as much as the book is centred around Andrew’s own life, it is very much a message to others.
‘It’s my story but other people went through this too. This book lets people know that they aren’t alone. Don’t sit in darkness. Find something that will pull you out into the light.’
This message is certainly resonating with his readers who have left reviews of Andrew’s book:
“A powerful and deeply honest account of childhood trauma, survival and the courage it takes to speak out.”
“What really stood out to me was Andrew’s bravery in speaking about such painful experiences. This isn’t an easy story, but it is one that needs to be told. It also highlights how important support, therapy, love and having your experiences acknowledged can be when trying to move forward from childhood trauma.”
“By reading the book you feel so honoured to of shared the journey and reflections undertaken to find justice and peace.”
Find out more
Both of Andrew’s books are available on Amazon. Andrew generously donates proceeds from the books to mental health charity Calm. Calm is suicide prevention charity that provides life-saving services and practical mental health support to anyone who needs it.
Andrew was supported by Future Pathways and the Book Whisperers to write, edit and publish his book.
