In 2025, Don published a book about his life. Here, Don tells us how getting support to share his experience has helped him to confront his past and inspire others.
What’s your book about?
My book covers the journey of my life. It starts with my childhood in care and then being homeless at 16. It then goes on to describe getting an education, being a breakdancing champion and a martial arts instructor.
When I was two, my parents died and I was put into care. I lived in a care home in Thurso, the most northerly town in Scotland. The lady there was very abusive towards me when I was about 6 years old. As I got older, I discovered I was living with CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). This was because I had never dealt with that had happened to me as a child.
The book is really about how your past doesn’t have to destroy your future. Instead, your past can be powerful, and it can help create your future. That’s why I called the book The Unwanted Gift. You wouldn’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone, but my experiences gave me the fire to achieve a great life.
What made you decide to write the book?
It started when I turned 42. I had achieved amazing things, but my mental health was really bad at this point. I had anxiety, low self-esteem, and my behavior was self-destructive.
My sister reached out to me. She told me about Future Pathways. From there, my Support Coordinator encouraged me to write. I didn’t think I was even capable of writing a book. But Future Pathways gave me the guidance and the support to start that journey.
The Book Whisperers helped you with the book. Can you tell us a bit more about that?
My Support Coordinator put me in touch with the Book Whisperers. My first meeting was with Mary Turner Thomson. She was amazing. She was so gentle with me, she listened to my story and she gave me confidence.
We would meet regularly, speak about all my stuff, and she was really supportive. I’m dyslexic but I’d write a page and send it to her. She would work with me and understand what I meant.
When I started, there were many times I wanted to stop. I thought it was rubbish and no one would be interested. But Mary told me to keep on writing. She said, ‘Even if you don’t end up printing the book, just write it down.’ The book ended up being a best seller.
What was it like for you to write your book?
Sometimes, I’d find it hard to keep writing. There were moments that were overwhelming. At other times, I’d start typing and the words would flow out of me.
I thought ‘You can confront and face things and heal. Or you can let it overwhelm you, fester and destroy you.’ I wasn’t going to let that happen. It was a chance to get all the thoughts out of my brain, into a book, and onto a shelf.
It was one of the most cathartic things I have ever done. I was able to face some things that I had been keeping private from everyone. Writing allowed me to process things from a distance, as if I was reading about someone else. It gave me a sense of control and an understanding of my life. I found it really healing.
Who did you write the book for?
All I wanted to do was to be honest about the thoughts in my head. I thought people would just judge me about my mental health and being broken.
For me, it was about going out of my comfort zone. I had hidden all the abuse for 50 years, and I felt that if I continued to keep it private, it would cost me my life. So, I did the opposite – I made it public.
It wasn’t about the book; it was about being brave enough to talk about the things that broke me. I wanted to tell people it is OK to feel broken, to talk about mental health, to talk about the secrets that you were told to keep quiet. It is OK to shine a light on the dark places that you haven’t spoken about before.
Your book also talks about your breakdancing and martial arts success – what was that like?
I started breakdancing when I was 11. I was always told I couldn’t do anything and would amount to nothing. But then breakdancing came along and I became obsessive. I trained every day to become the best. When I was dancing, people would come up to me afterwards and shake my hand. It gave me validation. I wasn’t worthless. And my team went on to become Scottish breakdancing champions – we were the best at what we did.
After that, I got into martial arts. I never wanted to be in a position again that anyone could hurt me or my family. I became obsessed with martial arts too and became a champion. Now, I’m at the highest level. I have taught all over the world. I have also been a life coach and a personal trainer, and I teach anti-bullying programmes too. It’s about empowering people.
I want to give people the confidence to be the best version of themselves. I know what it is like to prove people wrong. I have done it a thousand times. Now I can control my own destiny – I strive to be better than what I was told I was when I was a child.
How did you feel when you wrote the book?
It has been an emotional journey. Before I found Future Pathways, I used to wake up every morning and cry. This went on for years. And I also used to cry when I was with my Support Coordinator.
But then, once I started writing, I could have those conversations without breaking down. By writing it on a page and reading it over and over again, it somehow helps you process the trauma. It gives you distance and allows you to accept it a little bit more.
I could start talking to friends about what happened to me without crying. I cannot tell you how therapeutic it was.
What difference did writing the book make to you?
Now, I can look at my past and accept what happened to me. I have a much greater understanding of my life. And people have a better understanding of me. They have seen what I have had to overcome. I had a dark start, but I created a much brighter future.
And, it has made a difference to other people too. It has given people the courage to open up and speak about their own experiences. They have got mental health counselling or applied to the Redress Scheme. It hadn’t crossed my mind that my book could impact other people. You can say words and they mean nothing to you, but they can be profound to someone else.
What has kept you going?
When I first started this healing journey, I was so broken. I had always been told to keep my mouth shut and not talk about it. I used to think it was my shame. That’s why I didn’t talk. I felt shame, guilt, disgust and pain. But I realised none of it was mine. I had been taking ownership of things that didn’t belong to me. It was their guilt, their shame. It is not mine.
I wish I could go back and say to my earlier self ‘There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you. This moment that you’re going through, it won’t last forever. I know you can’t see any future but just keep putting one foot in front of the other.’
Healing isn’t easy but it is worthwhile. At one point, I could not see a future. I just wish I could go back and tell my six-year-old self that I had an amazing life ahead, and I just didn’t know it yet. I created an extraordinary life out of a horrible life. Just have faith. Just try to do something that improves yourself – it all builds up.
What’s next?
In my life, I have achieved everything I set out to. I proved everyone wrong. My teachers said I would never achieve anything. But guess who was right and guess who was wrong?
So, for the next years, I want peace and I want a quiet life. My book sits on my bedside table and will be there forever. The bad chapters are there too, but now I have a different perspective. Yes, that was my life, but I’m just glad that the things that were hidden are now out in the open.
FIND OUT MORE
The Unwanted Gift: journey from abused child to martial art master
Don’s book is available to buy online.
The Book Whisperers
The Book Whisperers are one of our Delivery Partners. They support people to write and publish books, including life stories, creating writing and poetry. You can find out more about their work in our Meet the Partner feature.
Redress Support Service
If you are applying to Scotland’s Redress Scheme, Redress Support Service can help you. They can support you to prepare for applying, during the application and after you have applied. You can contact them for help at any point in your journey.
