Role model
As I grew up and learnt about right and wrong and life in general it was very important to have a role model. One that I could go to and talk about the laughter and squealing in the playground and loud screaming voices in the classroom. Adding to the worry and the fear in my head.
And then I go home. It’s like trying to pull a grape skin over a tomato. Shouting in my face, Shhht, I want to hear this doesn’t help you socialise. TV and music can become your role model. When there is a lot of pain, fear and living inside your head. It’s dangerous struggling to adapt with friends, worried about fitting in, no one to go home to speak to about it. Walking way a lisp and talking way a limp.
Feeling worthless, no confidence, drugs dig you an early grave, drink burns your life away, makes you lonely and keeps you on the edge from dealing with things, worried about actions and consequences on the outside. Very loud on the inside, it’s like the largest freight train in the world with no driver.
As we go on in life, hold them, don’t hold them down.
As my adult life continues everything intensifies and jumping from pillar to post helps in ways but not the ways that matter. A learner driver needs a pilot.
I’m still inside my head, so confused by the past trauma and decisions that affects me still in day-to-day life. Trains needs a captain.
I’m still trying to forgive and forget. The harsh fact is that only I can keep the smile on my face and hope that my soul finds the mate that holds me. Every plane needs a co-pilot.
Because if I get held down, I will surely drown in a love that’s not real, no matter what I feel.
A ship needs a pirate in stormy waters.
A soul with no mate is a lonely race to face.
HOLD ME, DON’T HOLD ME DOWN
