It’s OK to talk

September 23, 2024

Rikki shares his experience of opening up.

On a Tuesday morning in June, I was visiting Carlisle Cumberland University Hospital to have a blood pressure monitor fitted. As I sat waiting for the ambulance staff to come and take me to the cardio-respiratory investigations, Chris saw me and made the sign of ‘it’s OK to talk’.

Chris is from Andy’s Man Club. They are a charity that offers support groups. The groups help men with their mental health through the power of conversation. I’ve been attending their online meetings every Monday since leaving hospital at the end of March. Having a stroke made me angry and frustrated. What’s my life going to be like now? Assisted to walk, dress and even to wash, with nursing staff coming to my house twice a day.

Of course I had dark thoughts going through my head.

I have had tougher times in my life. I could still talk and walk and decided to find out more about Andy’s Man Club. I thought I would give it a try and see if I could take a leap into understanding my anger.

I set up my computer and joined a 2-hour Zoom call with 14 other men, opening up to one another. There were lumps-in-my-throat moments. I was only thinking ‘what had I done to deserve what had happened to me?’ I felt so embarrassed and scared, but I spoke with a dry throat and a twisted mouth and no teeth. And I just let everything out.

Yes, it was the taste of my hot tears that flowed down my crooked cheeks. And then I began to embrace being listened to and not feeling lonely. There were so many thumbs up and applause hands. I knew that I could get through what the world was going to throw at me.

It is 6 months since my stroke and I take everything that life throws at me and smile, and that little voice in my head says, ‘You’ve got this Rikki.’